Famous quotes, funny quotes, inspirational and motivational quotations, literary, historical. Quotes by famous authors and celebrities Funny Quotes BookOur side-splitting, outrageously funny book on sale at -
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The 2320 Funniest Quotes. Some of the most comical and entertaining quotes of all time from our side-splitting book! - Buy now on Amazon or Barnes & Noble
The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was . . . — Woody Allen
Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice . . . — Homer Simpson
I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because . . . — Mark Twain
There isn't any "New Man." The New Man is the old man, only he . . . — Roseanne Barr
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single . . . — Oscar Wilde
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when . . . — George Bernard Shaw
I never did a day's work in my life. It was . . . — Thomas A. Edison
Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and . . . — Cicero
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones . . . — Phyllis Diller
Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't . . . — Jerry Seinfeld
Don't get mad, get . . . — Ivana Trump, advice to wives in 'The First Wives Club'
On the Internet, nobody knows you're a . . . — Peter Steiner, New Yorker cartoon
If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have . . . — Lane Kirkland
A terrible thing happened to me last night again . . . — Phyllis Diller
Sir, you are one of the most foul, disgusting, immoral, perverted . . . — Baby-Eating Bishop of Bath and Wells, on 'Blackadder'
Marriage is heaven and . . . — German proverb
If the rich could pay people to die for them, the poor . . . — Yiddish proverb

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