I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the
I just love Chinese food. My favorite dish is number 27.
I like a man who's good, but not too good - for the good die
young, and I hate a dead one.
I like children - fried.
I like my beer cold
my TV loud
and my homosexuals
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special
person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I love everything about you. Your lips, your eyes, your voice.
The only thing I can't stand is you.
I love mankind. It's people I can't stand.
Charles M Schultz
I never drink water, fish fuck in it.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make
I never loved another person the way I loved myself.
I never met a kid I liked.
I often take exercise. Why only yesterday I had breakfast
I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee
at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.
I recently turned sixty. Practically a third of my life is
I sold the memoirs of my sex life to a publisher - they are
going to make a board game out of it.
I think people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics.
I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel,
but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty
minutes. It involves Russia.
I used to be Snow White
but I drifted.
I want to share something with you: The three little sentences
that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number
2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I
I was married by a judge - I should have asked for a jury.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry
a Gentile, women shave on Saturday and most especially never
to shave a Gentile woman on Saturday.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics
exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that
would be beating a dead horse.
I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success
at something I hate.
If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then give up.
There's no sense being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields
If it sells, it's art.
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large
deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
If only God would give me some sign. If He would just speak
to me once, anything, one sentence, two words. If He would
If there's one thing America needs, it's more lawyers.
If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for
If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs,
then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he
will not bite you. This is the principal difference between
a dog and a man.