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Authors: Funny John McCain Quotes, Funny McCain Quotes, Sayings
Related Quotes:   McCain Quotes  Stupid McCain Quotes
I’ve been to Roswell before and I know of the alien landing, and I am pleased to announce that I have received the alien endorsement.
John McCain
At rally on eve of 2008 US presidential election in Roswell, New Mexico.
We could have played it at a prison camp, but it would have violated the Geneva Convention.
John McCain
Poking fun at Barack Obama's 30-minute infomercial during a US presidential campaign rally in Ohio, October 2008.
A major announcement. Events are moving fast in my campaign, and yes, it's true that this morning I've dismissed my entire team of senior advisers. All of their positions will now be held by a man named 'Joe the Plumber'.
John McCain
At Al Smith Dinner 2008.
This campaign needed the common touch of a working man. After all, it began so long ago with the heralded arrival of a man known to Oprah Winfrey as "The One." Being a friend and colleague of Barack, I just called him "That One".
John McCain
At Al Smith Dinner 2008.
Even in this room full of proud Manhattan Democrats. I can't shake that feeling that some people here are pulling for me ... I'm delighted to see you here tonight, Hillary.
John McCain
At Al Smith Dinner 2008.
Where's Bill, by the way? Can't he take one night off from his tireless quest to make the man who defeated his wife the next president? When a reporter asked him if Senator Obama was qualified to be president, Bill Clinton pointed out, sure, he's over 35 years of age and a U.S. citizen. He was pandering to the strict constructionist crowd.
John McCain
On Bill Clinton, at Al Smith Dinner 2008.
Now's not the time to raise anybody's taxes except yours, and I guarantee when I'm president, I'll do it. My first executive order!
John McCain
To TV's David Letterman on 'The Late Show', October 2008.

My Social Security number is 8.
John McCain
Joking about his age with Jay Leno on 'The Tonight Show' on August 25, 2008, just four days before his 72nd birthday.
You know, by a strange coincidence I was not elected Miss Congeniality in the United States Senate this year.
John McCain
Asked by Rev. Rick Warren about going against his Republican party, at Saddleback Church Forum in August 2008.
We spent $3 million to study the DNA of bears in Montana. I don't know if that was a paternity issue or a criminal issue.
John McCain
On wasteful congressional spending, at Saddleback Church Forum, August 2008.
The good news is that we now have enough money to run the entire campaign in Colorado. The bad news is, some of that money is still in your wallets and purses.
John McCain
Speaking at a US presidential campaign fundraiser in Aspen, Colorado, August 2008.
You know that old Beach Boy song Bomb Iran. Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran.
John McCain
Singing to tune of Barbara Ann, at campaign stop, answering question about what to do with Iran, April 18 2008.
I was reminded of the words of Chairman Mao, who said it's always darkest before it's totally black.
John McCain
Recalling the day when many thought his US presidential campaign was dead, on The Late Show with David Letterman, April 2008.
You know the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a scum-sucking bottom-dweller. The other is a fish.
John McCain
Joking on 'The Tonight Show' with Jay Leno, January 2008.
I'm older than dirt, I've got more scars than Frankenstein, but I've learned a few things along the way.
John McCain
His go-to joke when asked about his age.
Never get into a wrestling match with a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
John McCain
Asked by reporters in New Hampshire about Mitt Romney, his rival for Republican nomination for US presidency, in December 2007.
In case you missed it, a few days ago Senator Clinton tried to spend $1 million on the Woodstock Concert Museum. Now, ladies and gentlemen, I wasn't there. I'm sure it was a cultural and pharmaceutical event. I was tied up at the time.
John McCain
Referring to the years he spent as a P.O.W. in Vietnam and attacking pork barrel spending during Fox News Republican presidential debate, October 2007.
Thanks for the question, you little jerk. ...You're drafted.
John McCain
After being asked by high school student if he was too old to be president, September 2007.
I spent several years in a North Vietnamese prison camp, in the dark, fed with scraps. Do you think I want to do that all over again as vice president of the United States?
John McCain
Why he would not be running mate for Democratic nominee for president John Kerry, said on late-night TV show in June 2004.
Presidential ambition is a disease that can only be cured by embalming fluid.
John McCain
Quoting his late friend Morris Udall the former Arizona congressman and Democratic presidential candidate, during 2004 US presidential campaign.
Washington is a Hollywood for ugly people. Hollywood is a Washington for the simpleminded.
John McCain
At Washington Press Club Foundation congressional dinner in 2003.
They [the French] remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who is still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it.
John McCain
On France's stance on Iraq, February 2003.
Do you know why Chelsea Clinton is so ugly? Because Janet Reno is her father.
John McCain
Reportedly said at a Republican Senate fundraiser in 1998.
Like every other 13-year-old in America, she's in love with Leonardo DiCaprio, who I think is an androgynous wimp. You know what he does throughout the whole movie Titanic? He smokes.
John McCain
On his daughter, quoted in 'The Washington Post' June 1998.
John McCain: American politician. Born August 29, 1936.

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